Let’s start with this fact : I know nothing about Star Wars. Okay, that’s not entirely true. It’s set in space, right? And they use light sabers. Also picked up from Toy Story 2 that “I am your father” is totally Star Wars-y.

A few weeks back, Julien and I watched the third… well, the third movie that precedes the first real movie…?

I sincerely pretended to look like I knew what or who Droids were while we were lining up for the film. Or that I gave a fuck.

I thought I could buy some popcorn so I could pretend to be fishing for unpopped corn kernels at the bottom of the tub to chew on whenever I didn’t understand what was happening, but the popcorn machine was broken so no popcorn!

The movie “had me at the edge of my seat” (ha), but I kept scratching my arm – not just because of a mosquito bite – but also because I was wondering when Harrison Ford or at least the actor playing the young Harrison Ford would come out.

When Queen Amidala was having a rough time giving birth, I tugged Julien’s arm to ask him if she was going to die.

He rolled his eyes and, to the best of his ability, tried to ignore me.

When Queen Amidala finally did die I once again whispered to Julien, “But she doesn’t really die, right? ‘Cause she’s going to be in the next episode, right?”

“Of course she’s dead!” he seethed.

I should have shut up then, but I tried to redeem myself by following up the blunder with another question.

“But the babies – they aren’t really going to die, are they?”

“Of course not! They’re Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker.” He looked incredulous at my question.

So, I sulked back in my seat, worrying about my Star Wars ignorance.

No I didn’t. I don’t really care about Star Wars.

*dodges flying tomatoes and rotten cabbage heads being thrown in my direction from Star Wars fans*